Robin Hood: The Afterlife
by ChocolateIsMyDrug
Summary: Post-S3. Robin and Marian live happily ever after in heaven... until, that is, certain details of Robin's past come to light. Silly wish-fulfillment of mine - please don't take seriously.


**A/N:** Just a silly little thing to help me vent about the one thing I found really bothered me about Robin and Marian's happy, sickly-sweet reunion.

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**Robin Hood: The Afterlife**

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_Location: Somewhere deep in the heart of Hungary- er, I mean, England_

Robin: (joyfully) Marian! My wife!

Marian: (smiles enigmatically) Death is but the next great adventure.

Robin: Um... isn't that Dumbledore's line? Oops, Dumbledore doesn't exist yet – but screw historical accuracy; since when have we cared about that?

_*Robin and Marian do their happy, spinning around kissing each other and laughing thing*_

Robin: So tell me, Marian, where have you been all this time?

Marian: Well, heaven, mostly, but today I visited the _Lord of the Rings _set so that I could borrow Arwen's costume. Wouldn't have wanted to meet you in that same white dress with the bloodstain that the Beeb refuses to show. What about you? What have you been doing all this time?

Robin: (looks a little uncomfortable) Um... you mean you don't know? You weren't watching?

Marian: *conveniently for the writers of the show* No, I'm pretty sure I wasn't. (looks at him curiously) Why? What _have _you been doing all this time?

Robin: (tugs collar as he thinks of Isabella and Kate) Er... nothing much, really. Saving the people, fighting the bad guys, being mean to Much, having occasional showdowns with Gisborne, killing an astonishing number of castle guards for a man who claims he only kills as a last resort, and well... the usual saving England and the world stuff, basically. That's all, really. Truly. Yeah.

Marian: Oh, okay then. (takes his hand and escorts him to heaven)

*_Robin and Marian live their questionable happy ending, at least for a while_*

**Some months later...**

_Location: Heaven (I, like the BBC, will assume that readers/viewers are so stupid that they need an undertag telling them this - dear readers, cast your minds back to the wonderful piece of informative subtitling that was 'The Meadow')_

Kate: Robin!

Robin: (gulps) Oh boy... (thinks) Well, at least Isabella's in hell – one less affair to explain away to my darling wife Marian. (says aloud in a falsely cheery voice) Kate! Fancy seeing you here – what _are _you doing here, by the way?

Kate: (frowns slightly) Well, I'm dead of course! The writers killed me off like ninety-eight percent of the viewers of the show have been hoping for weeks, in a last-ditch effort to improve ratings for Series 4.

Robin: (opens his mouth to ask whether ratings improved, but just then Marian shows up)

Marian: (confused) Robin, who's this?

Robin: Um, this is, well... uh, Marian, I...

Kate: (throws her arms around Robin – Marian's hackles are undeniably raised) Oh Robin, I'm so happy to see you! Finally, we're togevver again.

Marian: (clears throat) Robin, is there something you'd like to tell me? Like about what might have happened in the time after we promised each other to meet again as husband and wife in heaven?

Robin: I don't know what you're talking about! (points to Kate) I've never seen this hag in my life before!

Kate: (shrieks) _Hag???_

Marian: (sarcastically) Hmm, let me think for a moment. I know! I've come to the decision that I don't believe a word you say, you despicable, lying, cowardly, idiotic little... (rants in this vein for some time)

_*Kate and Marian join forces to tear Robin apart with their bare hands and some choice instruments of torture*_

**Meanwhile in another slightly more peaceful part of heaven...**

_*Guy and Meg live happily ever after (Kate's cries of 'He killed muh bruvver - what's he doing in heaven?' are fortunately too distant to be heard), and Allan sometimes comes over to their place for tea. Oh, and Allan finds some girl to live happily ever after with*_

**The End**

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**A/N:** By the way, did anyone else have some problems with accepting the fact that John kept going on about Guy having 'killed Kate's brother', and then in the same episode we see John kill one of Isabella's soldiers, and have a good laugh about it with Allan? And Robin killing castle guards left right and centre, but sparing Thornton because he 'only kills when necessary'? So many little things like this bug me about S3...

And guys - think about this; here's a list of the greatest love legends of all time:

Romeo and Juliet

Lancelot and Guinevere

Othello and Desdemona

Robin Hood and Maid Kate... wait, what?? Stupid, stupid idea to pair them up - after Marian died, IMO Robin didn't need a love interest. And it was rotten of him to go for Kate, knowing how Much felt about her - some friend he is!

Anyway, please review and tell me what you thought!


End file.
